Unsent Messages

I hate you H, or at least I wish I could... besides placing to much value on love on of my biggest flaw is that I care to much. I care for people to much, even when they don't care for me the same way, I do things for people knowing they wouldn't do the same for me. I sit there and take shit thrown at me because "oh they're acting like this because of x reason so it's ok" and I hate it. like every sleepless night I have I lie there and wonder: why tf am I alone? I just feel cold inside my heart because the flame of love is gone. normally when people break up they cut contact, but I never did that, even if you're gone 95% of the time it still feels like back then when we were together, and it pains me. I wish I could just give up and move on like you did so easily, but I can't, I have so many reminders of the past and it's killing me. I know you probably won't read this, and if you did you probably wouldn't give a shit cuz that's just the way it is, you moved on, and like you said you found better friends who you'd die for, so it doesn't matter. I'm adjusting to being alone just fine, I don't need people in my life who don't care about me, but damn, it doesn't stop me from wanting somebody in my life, but the truth is I have no one. I'm like a drone, I copy the same routine everyday and nothing changes, I'm starting to hate life all because I can't hate you, I wish I could feel something other than lingering love for you because then it'd be so much easier because I could rationalize that I hate you so I could move on, but I fucking can't. and even with all the shit that happened during our relationship I just can't stop, motherfucker why can't I stop. why were you able to move on so fast? why don't you care? why did you say forever if you didn't mean it? did you ever actually love me? why do you hate me for my depression? why are you so vitriolic? why is everyone better than me in your eyes? I guess I'll never know. I just wish I could hate you, I really do...