Unsent Messages

there's so many things i want to say to you. i have so many questions about how you've been- what kind of person you've become. it's been a year and a bit since we broke up, and i'm sorry that i obsessed over it for so long. i now realize it was for the best, and i am much happier and stable without you as an active part of my life. the controlling, manipulative toxicity was something i didn't see before, and i hurt the both of us by not leaving. i'm so much happier now. i have different friends, a different life, and i'm now a different me. i'm no longer the girl at our school that can't forget you no matter how hard i try. quarantine really helped me think about everything and find myself, and i'm not gonna lie, the person you dated wasn't right. i was very influenced by the people around me. you included. the toxicity flew past my head because i thought i was happy with you, and all my friends thought i was too. therefore i thought that i had to be happy. i'm sorry that i wasn't enough, that i wasn't able to keep a stable relationship with you and i wish that we could have ended on better terms. however, that's all in the past and i am very happy where i am now. you helped me learn who i was and how to respect myself. not to stoop so low to the point where i need to compromise my own beliefs for the person i'm involved with. do i miss being friends with you like we used to be? kind of, but seeing as you're toxic and racist, no. however, thank you. you being in my past taught me many things that i couldn't have learnt otherwise. you're a crucial part of who i am and who i've become, and i'm extremely grateful for my experience with you. thank you.