Unsent Messages

it took me two years to finally realize how much ive missed your company. it’s pathetic, isnt it? you were the only one who was able to make me feel important. the only one who made me have feelings for the first time. im so sorry for how i treated you. for driving you away. i thought that you’ve only hurted me, when in reality it was myself. i was so self absorbed back then. we were both young. i miss you, more than you could imagine. you probably wouldnt even believe me when i say that i mean it. i wish i could’ve treated you better. you deserve more. please, just forget about me. i never even deserved you to begin with. im okay with being left behind. we’ve both changed, and it won’t ever be the same again. i want to tell you how grateful i am for how you made me feel appreciated; to thank you for putting up with me over the most dramatic things. there’s so much i want to thank you for, but i’m such a coward. i could never bring myself to admit how much i liked you. it’s embarrassing considering how i’ve treated you. but all i could think of is the weight of how much i want to apologize to you. im so sorry for messing things up, for treating you like a complete stranger. im so sorry for getting angry at you. im so sorry for not being there for you during the times you needed. and now that you’ve moved on, i only lie to myself saying that im glad you’ve found someone else. someone who could be someone i couldn’t be. i just want you to be happy. after all, it was my fault for ending up this lonely. all i could do now is crave for your comfort, and ache for you to convince me that im good enough; breaking through my stubbornness. i’m so selfish for even thinking about it! it only hurts more to have talked to you a couple of days ago. you were my first and my last, and im glad it was you. maybe in another life, it all would’ve worked out. but did you even want me back? i can’t help but question, did you even like me as a friend? i’d be more surprised if you actually did. but im sorry. im so sorry for being the worst. you’re truly an amazing person who deserves the world.