Dear Murphy ? I wish you had apologised properly and realise the shit you did to me and that you are sorry.today I’m left still not knowing if you even realised the way you treated me. Or worse, that you do know and don’t care . What you said on your recent post was beautiful and meaningful and mature I just wish you had written one for me too . Now i just feel like I must be undeserving of an apology. I don’t want you to feel guilty I don’t want you to be in pain. I’m so happy you are growing and learning and feeling better about yourself I don’t want to take any of that away,I just want to know that you understood why I had to leave. I wish I never had too, but at that point I didn’t have a choice and please don’t blame me for that . I was scared I was hurt and we were both struggling. A 16 and 17 year old who both won’t to die shldnt be in a relationship together but we loved each other. If u ever see this I’m sorry . If u still don’t know why I had to leave you I might try tell u here . I have forgiven you and I love you and I understand you xx I just want to know if u ment it when u told me you hated me , when u said I was the least empathetic person you knew and tht I was the worst gf u have ever had, did u mean it when u said I never put u before anyone ? Did you not realise how hard it was for me to not see one of my best friends becouse u didn’t like her while she was going though a horrible time , how it hurt to quit my hobbies for you how I ruined my relationship with my family to spend time with you . Do u ever think about how I may feel now after having to stop you from hanging ur self , having seen you put a knife to ur wrist and threaten to kill your self in front of me . I have forgiven you I know how hurt you were but I still live with these images every day and night repeating themselves in my mind . Did u rlly mean it when I asked you not to threaten me or yell in my face when we were fighting becouse it scared me and you said tht tht was the point. I just wanna know these things, becouse nearly a year later and I still love you, I still miss you . I’d still do anything for you but I don’t know how to love myself without ur love I don’t know how to value myself without ur validation. But I’m still so happy tht I had the chance to fall in live with you , I have so many happy memories and you did help me a lot with my ED I will always love you Murphy I promise