Unsent Messages

I think I actually did love you. Thinking back on it you really where so kind and sweet to me. I cherished all the times we had, however brief it was that we where together i enjoyed every second of it right up to the end. I think i realized i loved you when we where laying on the red couch watching invader zim on your phone. It was so mundane and unspecial but i felt so safe and happy and loved just laying in your arms. I've moved on, finally almost a year later. It still hurts me that you said we couldn't be friends. I made such an effort for you, I knew times where tough for you, but I told you how tough they where for me too. I told you I had been up all night while my mom was in the hospital and just seeing you or even having a boring little convo on snap would have made that long night just a little more bearable. But no. you did what you always did. Ignored me and treated me like an annoying pest, I was up for 48 hours, in a hospital parking garage unsure if my mother was okay. But why would you care? We where never friends in the first place. I was just some bitch you would fuck right? I can't imagine you seeing me any other way. You hurt me so much that I didn't think anyone could ever love me. I was convinced you ruined me others. I was unlovable. Useless. I see now that you where probably heart broken from someone that came before me. You want something that i do not have to offer or that no one can. I hope you're doing well and that you end up with all you desire. Eat some real food, you cant survive on hot chips and monster.