Unsent Messages

You hurt me in ways I would have never imagined. You still haunt my mind till this day. The memory of us at the beach at nighttime when were we were lying down and you had your hand for me to rest my head and we were looking at the star makes me feel so strange but nice. I would die to stand up and kiss u but I couldn't I wouldn't we were friends and as you said we know each other since we were 6 you cant develop feels for a person of the friend group. Sadly tho I did I developed feeling and realized them way later. I felt jealousy for the girl you were in love however you never knew. I was there the good friend the supportive one always there but you never realized how things were from my side. You using me to avoid a girl who had a crush on you still hurts me. You were pushing me on a wall you were physically flirting with me I still remember your pressure on my body. You were flirty only with me or I just hope that was the case idk that's what I was seeing and for a couple of times i thought maybe my feelings aren't one sided . I had feelings for u and in fact you were my first love not that boy nor anyone else. You will never know you would consider it creepy since we know each other ages I don't know why I developed feelings ... I just did I couldn't help it I wouldn't if I could I would have been straight it would have been so much easier for me to not fall for you but every touch of yours had me melting. Ys teasing under the desk, me annoying u, making u laugh was my favorite thing I miss our random conversations.
I was a friend to u but when I bring myself some years ago shit I would die to kiss u in the club at the beach anywhere ....
and you will never know maybe its for the better.
It hurts me remembering in how much pain you were I hope you are fine now.
However I still hold grudges for you flirting with me as a joke cause those jokes messed me up so badly. You made me realize I was in the closet and I still am I wished you hadn't i wish ... i actually don't cause my feeling for you were really beautiful and kinda deep rooted. I think about how I felt when we were close and I internally scream.

I miss you ... but its okay I trully hope you have a good life the way you want it to be