Unsent Messages

if you called me out of the blue i would pick up. if it had no caller id and when i answered, it was your voice, i would stay on the line. nothing can explain how much i hurt just wanting to talk to you again, like we used to. you moved on so fucking fast, like i was nothing to you. i was there when your life was in so many pieces but you're the one who caused my life to become pieces. i promise that when i refused to post you after we tried again wasn't because of you, it was because of my friends. they're probably right about you, randi. i miss being yours so much. it brings me physical pain to think about how we used to be, and how we could still be if you didn't leave me that one morning. i can't shit on your new girlfriend, im sure i was just as bad. but what you told me that night made me physically hurt for you, i promise that i wasnt being selfish. i guess im still being selfish for feeling this way, but i can't help it. i miss sneaking kisses before the bell, using my hall passes to see you, i miss lying to my dad about why you wanted to come over. i miss walking in the middle of the night in town with you, i miss laying in bed with nothing but your teeshirt and listening to your playlist. i miss watching you play that stupid paint game while lying in your arms. i miss you doing my makeup while sitting on my bathroom floor. i miss everything about you, lovely. i miss the softness in your tone when you woke me up from a nightmare. i miss the way you would say "princess" when you were trying to get my attention. i miss being loved by you, i miss everything. i forgave you so long ago. i forgave everything you did because i was so upset you were gone. it hurts being alone with you, it hurts hearing you laugh and knowing its not from me doing it. i just wish i could tell you this to your face.