Unsent Messages

I know you don’t care if I cry anymore. Believe me, I’m very aware of how bitter you are even though I’m unsure as to why. I don’t know what I did to deserve that. All I know is... I miss you but I feel so burned at the same time. It’s so hard to remember the love and gentleness and closeness we shared and not start sobbing now. I don’t understand what happened. Makes me feel like a child. Waiting around, not understanding any of it, getting angry and confused... you have no idea how my heart has broken. There’s a me that existed when I was with you, and she’s gone now. Just like you are. I miss her. I miss the warmth she felt. I gave you so much of myself and I feel so empty after all of it now. I’m not sure when it’ll ever feel right. I never want to open myself up again. There’s something that broke in me after everything. I’m running myself ragged to put myself back together. But it’s exhausting. I miss January. I wish we could go back. Just one more time. Things have become so ugly between us... but it was never like that with us. Makes me really sad.