Unsent Messages

i miss you marco. i wish i didnt but i do. i wish you were nicer. you are a pretty mean person ;/. you hurt me alot more than i first realized. youve left a hole in my heart, and left me struggling to trust. you hurt me marco. you hurt me so much. i dont know how long itll take for me to recover, or if i ever will. i miss you. its a muted, numbing pain. no more violent sobbing, just looking at pictures of you with a soft pain in my heart. did you ever love me ? i dont believe i was ever anything special to you. it all feels fake when i look back. it hurt to see you move on while i was still in that summer phase. i wouldve never grown out of that phase if you kept that mask up. ive seen your true colors now, and i now know that its better for me to not get back you you, as friend or girlfriend. you are a draining person who refuses help and puts problems onto others. you are pessimistic all the time and its draining. my heart does hurt for you, i cannot imagine what you must be going through, but it seems like you are content with it. you dont seem to want help marco, and its draining to try and help someone who doesnt want it. to care for someone that obviously does not want it.i dont like how you always turn it around to you. its not nice of you to make me comfort you when i go to you for comfort. i dont like how you flipped it to you. i remember dreading to tell you about my relapse because of how much you would overreact. and i know its no easy thing to hear from someone you "love" but least you couldve done was comfort me. i was hurting and you made it worse. its quite obvious you arent in the right headspace for a relationship. it was obvious with your previous relationships too. you need help marco. please if you take anything out of this just please get help. please. you are hurting people by not getting help. youre hurting people alot. please. your problems are not ones you can solve yourself. your problems are severe and need proper advice and help. please marco, love get help. you arent in a good place, and thats ok and theres people who know how to take care of you, people who know how to treat you. please, you arent well. you may think you are under control but when you step outside of your perspective, youll see how dire your situation truly is. i love you and still care about you and i hope you heal from whatever may be hurting you. wish you the best.