Unsent Messages

i learned what love is through you. how frightening it is, how when you fall in love, you fall hard, not knowing what to expect. and i fell. so hard. and im not sure if can get back up. because god i am so in love with you. i love the way you fall alseep accidentally during our video calls or how you always seem to make everything seems just a tad bit better. or maybe how you know what to say whenever i feel like succumbing to death. you get me, you understand me. you make me want to stay in your embrace for hours on hours. i would give the earth to you if you just asked. i would fly a thousand miles just to see the smile you have on when you talk about films. 4 years from now i want to be flying to what, Harvard, where you will be studying because i know you're a genius and they'd be a fool to decline you. i want to stay in your loft or apartment or dorm watching you study and just god, i want to be with you. so badly, my heart aches. but i know that this is just a wild fantasy. that i am only a best friend to you. that i am only a girl you would never love. that you are someone who puts their career and ambition over love. that you aren't looking for love. that you are straight. that you won't ever love me back. and that's okay.