Unsent Messages

Its been months since the last time we spoke. But you still cross my mind often. I don’t think it was quite love but you were the first person I really liked and the first person that really liked me back. You were the person that set the bar for future relationships. But honestly, our relationship turned really bad during the last month. I’m still confused about what happened between us because you didn’t tell me anything even when I confronted you. I decided to tell myself that you just lost feelings. I thought it would help me get over you to think that. But it just made me feel worse. But not as bad as how I felt when I was still with you. Your actions made me feel like I wasn’t good enough and that I had to change for you to like me. All of those times I cried, it wasn’t about my friends or school it was about you. And it’s sad that I was so blinded by how much I liked you that I didn’t realize that I deserved better. You know, after all of that, I don’t hate you. I never have. Not even just disliked you. Because I know you’re just a teenage boy trying to figure shit out. I know you’re a good person and you wouldn’t intentionally want me to feel that way. It took me a really long time to get over you. There was something about you that I really missed. But luckily by now I realized that it’s not you I miss, it’s the feeling I had when I was with you before it all turned toxic. The feeling I had when I heard you’re cute laugh while we teased each other. When you called me beautiful when I felt quite the opposite. When I looked in your eyes and I could tell how much you cared about me. You were the first person to make me feel special like that. Like I really mattered to someone. Even though I thought I had no one that cared about me, I always had you. I missed that feeling. And I still do. But now I’m starting to find that feeling within myself. I’m learning how to live for myself and I’m finally starting to enjoy life. So that’s why I’m letting go. I’ve stopped missing you and I think that saying goodbye will help me finally move on. So goodbye. I wish you all the best in life and I hope you make amazing memories. I hope you find a girl that makes you happy. I’ll never forget about you B. Go and enjoy yourself.