Unsent Messages

I cut off most of my personality because it reminded me of you. I cut off my friends because they were always around you. I cut myself because I needed something to calm me down from you. Yesterday, I saw a girl wearing sweatpants that were the color of your eyes, and I had a panic attack. You know, you're wrong. You're wrong because I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this. You're my brother, and you were my best friend for so long. You used to be the only person I could even talk to. But that doesn't matter anymore. It's just one year until you move out, and then I can stop doing this. I need to stop talking to you, for my own good. You know, our eyes aren't the same color. They're both green, but yours are too green, too intense. Mine are lighter, more gray. And I'm so fucking grateful that I don't have to look at your eyes every time I see myself the mirror. I might act like your friend, but it's one more year and then this is over. I hope you're okay out there, I really do. I want the best for you because you're my brother, and I love you so much. But you hurt me more than anyone else has. I don't deserve this, and I don't deserve you.