i look to the approval of strangers, because my family doesn’t care, so i care about what anybody says about me... it hurts.

Don't y'all want have a fight with someone and when you finish you just leave showing them the middle finger

i just wanna write this to myself. i dont need anyone to read it or feel something. ive simply been waiting for someone to text me here but i guess i was dellusional. i guess what i want might just not happen and i refused to believe in that possibility. i chose to believe only in what i want, in my person coming with their arms open towards me. how do i expect someone who shut the doors for me that way, to come towards mine again. i guess ive been lying to myself and i guess there are no angels, no God, no demons, not nothing. there is nothingness and there is me and there is them. our character is a fact and the fact is such a character will not be back because they are always running away from mistakes and people. i was desperate. no i need to be cold. even colder. because i tried getting colder and they still didnt get out of my head. it did not work so maybe i have to numb myself completely.

maybe if i save enough people someone will save me