Unsent messages to MIMI

There's not a day that goes by in which I don't miss you. But the pain is duller now. I can't remember your voice but I can remember your laugh. Your sweet, wonderful laugh. I hope you're in the afterlife playing Hay Day.

Why did you decide that hurting me was worth your happiness? How much of it was fake? Are you happier?

You were the second guy i fell in love with. Only this time I'm an adult, not a child. Two years of crying, all the sadness and all the pain I kept in me was gone when I met you. I said to myself "don't do this" knowing how it would all end. "Better not to be happy than to have false hope and be disappointed again. You're tired of crying." I didn’t listen to myself, we started talking every day and I fell in love. We talked about all sorts of topics both funny and serious and I caught myself with a smile on my face after two years. Everyone asked me what was wrong with me and why I was so happy, because they were not used to it. I knew the truth, and so did they. You were the reason for my every smile. The happier you made me, the more you disappointed me in the end. You just disappeared, like you didn't know me. We would meet in town and you would walk past me like we were strangers. I asked myself every day what made you act like that. In some moments I blamed myself ... And then came the day when we found ourselves in the same friend group and then you got to know me better, from that day you started trying again at least a little, but at that moment I forgot about you. Every time I tried to move on ans not think about you, you would come back and disrupt everything. After a few months, I would be with you again and I know it's my fault. Worst of all, I don't know if I still like you or just looking for the happiness I felt while we were talking.

thank you for being the kindest, most pure soul I've ever met, and saving my life even if you didn't realize it.