Unsent messages to JOANNES

You hurt me so fucking much, you never knew that I made you my favorite person idolized your praise and attention. I ruined myself and made myself change for you while you never knew. It’s not your fault really but I hate myself, sometimes I wonder if I’m only this because I still want to be something or somebody you’d like. 4 years of this and I can’t stop, I’ve never felt this way for anybody but you. I just want you to feel the same but being your friend is all I need. I’ve forced myself into a false reality or a alternate fake world in my head so I don’t have to realize you’ll never feel the same. Fuck, I love you.