You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I used to think we were nothing alike but after time I realised how similar we were. In all the things you fought for and we’re stubborn against. I was too when a few years prior. A part of me disliked that the people you wanted to keep were the ones that were keeping me up at night in my nightmares or insecurities. But how can I blame you when I did the same thing few years prior. How would you know much it hurts me? Because I didn’t realise it just the same as you. Until later on. Sometimes I try to make you understand but you never realise. It hurts sometimes because you’re so much more clever than me. You have an amazing way of depicting things. It’s beautiful. I try to explain to you at times. But you don’t like to hear it. Anything long and something I have to explain - you never like hearing it. It’s boring for you. I always felt not good enough. You always put everyone else first. You tell me you don’t know how to love me. Yet you love everyone else beautifully. You make it out like you’re the best person in the world and I am lucky to have you. But you’re lucky to have me also. Yet sometimes you tend to push yourself so far ahead that I think maybe go to the women you say you can have and get. I don’t like that. When you say I can have all these women etc. It’s not nice. You make it out like I should do things right or be happy with what I have because you can easily get another. Makes me feel so unsteady and awkward. But I realised after all this time. Is that it’s you who should be lucky. You’re lucky to have me. Because I stayed when you texted other women when I was at the hospital. I stayed when you told me to change every part of me and my look and behaviour to suit your needs and your families. You said you wouldn’t marry me otherwise. Gave me an ultimatum. I stayed when you deleted a woman off your phone so I wouldn’t see the messages on my birthday. You still say it till this day that you were just making sure I won’t get upset. It’s so twisted how you manipulated that. I would get upset either way. You just wanted to cover your sneaky tracks. I can sense me getting angrier throughout this message. I feel it’s just cause I’m so upset at how I was treated. See the worst part of it all is that I understand it. I understand why you do it. But I can’t allow it. I refuse to be a person who should be lucky enough to have you. No. You’re lucky to have me. I stayed throughout all of that. You use my mental illness as a way to leave me. When the matter of fact is it gets worse when you fight with me. Be mean to me. Neglect me and when it goes worse you use that as a way to distance yourself. I don’t even know what to do at times. But you are so lucky to have had someone stick by you through thick and thin. I know this is that part where you fight and say well I should be lucky also considering I’ve been ill and you stayed. You did stay. You were supportive. I do not deny that. But you were still fixating on those other women whilst I was in that state and it worsened it. Having seen those messages and everything it worsened my health. And you took a break because it was too much for you. Something you have instilled within me. It’s similar to now. I have all these insecurities and nightmares and yet you still support the idea of keeping this woman around. I believe after all this time. If it makes me happy it should’ve been gone to begin with. After you watched me cry over your phone and you just sit there heartless calling my heartbreak a ‘tantrum’ I realised you didn’t love me enough. You loved me just the amount you wanted to. Not beyond and more. I deserve beyond and more! Someone to make and do everything to keep me happy. Just as I have you. Again, I do not deny the fact at how much you do! You have done so much for me. I couldn’t ever repay! Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. But as you said. I should know my place. My place in your life. It just breaks my heart. That the lack of empathy you have for me. But thank you for everything my love. Maybe one day when you’re healing and learning you’ll realise. Because that’s how I did prior. When I kept that person around in my previous relationship I didn’t realise how much it was damaging. Just as you don’t realise the significance now. I only learnt afterwards. That is a regret I hold. It is also a regret you’ll hold as when I’m gone. You’ll realise how much I killed me in order to make this work after you broke my heart the very first time last August. Maybe I’ll see you again soon. Just know I love you. But I deserve someone who actually fights for love and tells me how amazing I am. Does not let me cry to sleep. Or also does not make fun of me when I cry. Or just ignore the tears. Maybe someone who tries to support me and caresses my pain. I love you always. Colourful. Be happy. May our hearts be reunited again.