Unsent messages to IIIITH

One of these to myself, why not. I feel like I’m barely hanging on. Feel like I’m exaggerating that, at the same time. I feel like as I get older the worse things are getting, especially without the care of my family or medical treatment. I don’t even know if I actually have a mental illness, but it sure feels like it? I’m really just getting sick of this. Convinced myself everyone hates me, keep randomly flipping between hating certain people and practically being in love with them the next day. I have absolutely no self esteem. Can’t take care of myself. My sensory issues are getting worse too, I’m scared I’m going to end up hurting someone. I keep getting random thoughts to starve myself or generally harm myself. Kinda wanna die too, of course too much of a coward to do that. Just don’t really know what to do.