Unsent messages to GENEVIEVE

I know it’s been awhile, but I have this recurring dream of you—that one day I’ll see you down the street with the man of your life with a stroller and perhaps a dog. And I’ll walk the other way because all I’d have is myself. And maybe a few cats.

This is probably somehow creepier than I was even back in middle school, but I still think about you sometimes. I'm sorry for all that. But thank you for giving me something to hold onto for a while, even if you didn't quite know I was there. You are so sweet. I wish only the best for you and I really am sorry. Have a wonderful life. You deserve it.

lol. you are the worst. are you still planning on voting for trump this year like you said in 2016 when we were 15. glad we aren't friends anymore. sorry.

You know sometimes I wondered if it actually happened.

i keep waking up to the thoughts of you.

and I have our conversations on repeat in my head.

it takes all of my energy to try to silence them.

then I get this picture of you in my head.

starts with your eyes. Always.

your brown eyes.

then your red hair. Always in a bun. Always so neat.

then your chubby cheeks but only when you smile. You have prominent cheek bones.

then your chin. You have that dimpled chin. Kind of. A really good heart shaped face.

in fact your side view is amazing. Your front view is to die for.

it has to be a sin to be this gorgeous.

then it’s back to your eyes.

your brown eyes.

how they were mad at me at one point.

i wonder if they were mad when you read the last text I sent you.

you know? The one you never replied to.

i also wonder if you know.

if you know how much you’re hurting me.

or if you care at all.

or if you are just so wrapped up in your own world that you dont know.

sad part is, I cant even blame you.

because I know you didnt mean to.

so I’ll just keep writing things about you.

listening to sad songs and think of you

until it wasnt the case anymore.

until it’s not you.

until I am not in love with you.

I wish I had told you before, then maybe when I see you, now my heart wouldn’t ache.