its been almost what like 10 months but it feels like yesterday. maybe its just because of quarantine, everything happened so fast. you were just here with me but you managed to slip away. why am I making it seem like you past, but it hurt like you did. I thought you were different. I really did and now im so screwed up. I can't find myself interested in the guys that try to talk to me. hoping you'll come back. ha I've even tried manifesting. when you finally added me on snap I felt a relief, like okay any day now you'll just randomly text me. I waited a whole month until I realized one morning. you had un added me on snap again. all that hope faded away. I know i NEED to move on, but I just can't move. stuck in the dark place you left me in. waiting for your warm touch in this cold room. while the light fades away. its all my fault. if only I gave you a chance all those years you tried to get my attention, but I was so blind. and when I finally realized I guess after we tried it, it wasn't what you imagined. I miss our talks. how I can be myself around you. im making you out to seem like a bad person. but your not, you were sweet and charming. always had me laughing even when id get mad at the little things. called me beautiful even when I felt like I was the most ugliest girl. how you were so gentle. you know I think about the time you walked me home that one day during sophomore year, even though your house was in a different direction and super far from my house. if only id realized it then. why didn't I notice the way you looked at me. I really wish you can tell me what I did to make you change your mind. but your with her now, you look happy. sometime I just miss you as a friend. you remember how you said you'll always be there for me no matter what. how I was your friend before anything. how you would never do anything to hurt me because seeing me in pain makes you hurt. but you did you left me. no explanation. you were with me one day and then with her the next. how I would go to your games back to back just too see you after your game and see how happy soccer made you feel. watching you play in the cold weather. I've never been to a school soccer game before. times where I sat alone just because I wanted to see you play. how we never ran out of things to talk about, you know I find it hard to talk to other people but with you it was different. or how we could be there in silence just enjoying each others company. remember the first time we hung out of school. the memories came up on snap the other day. I miss when its was just us late out in your car. the first time we just talked and talked that whole night. how I talked about things and cried. how you called me a big baby and we just laughed. I miss how you sang to me. those ugly country songs. and how I can only tolerate listening to them because I know you liked them. you sang sum songs but one day one song came up at my work. I just started crying because I instantly knew that was the song you kept singing to me. I would always forget the name and how you joked on how I didn't pay attention to you. if only I told you how much you meant to me. I was never the type to express my feelings, I wasn't taught that and I knew we had struggled on that with me. if only I was more opened. I wished to have said I love you too, but it just couldn't and I regret it. there's a lot of things that I regret, so many unspoken words. the song is playing right now. yk the country one you would sing to me " head over boots" I miss those nights. well I wish you could see this just to see how much I actually cared for you. if that would change the way it made you feel. I haven't been the same. I diss everyone who tries texting me. I've turned picky, every little thing just irks me about other guys. because I know they're not you. relationships just don't sound interesting anymore. well I love you and ill text you later

you dont understand how much i love you. you are literally the love of my life. you make me the happiest girl in the world

wish i could go back and redo everything. i hope your happy with her, i truly wish you the best