i loved you. i really did and you broke up with me for no reason during difficult moment. i knew it wouldn’t last forever but why did it have to end that way? every time you came near me i wanted to throw up and i was such a nervous wreck during those few months. you were my first kiss. it was awkward and sloppy and awful and stupid. and i wish i could be back with you watching a movie on your computer. i loved you. and i did miss you. you did change me. i dedicated songs to you which i can’t listen to anymore. i thought the dirtiest things about you at night where i was the most excited. i wanted to tell you how much i loved you. but didn't. i didn’t know how. i wish i could change so many things about that relationship but it wasn’t meant to be. i still don’t understand why it ended and that haunts me to this day. i’m sorry. for whatever i did. i’m sorry that middle school me was an idiot. i’m sorry that we live in a world where two girls can’t kiss the way a girl and a boy could. i’m sorry that your dad never got it. i’m sorry about your stepmother. i’m sorry that you thought i didn’t care about you. i did. i did and i might still do. if you read this, know that i loved you. despite whatever i said and did. i love you. m.