i would say you ruined my life, but i think you made it better. yeah you r**** me and used me and manipulated me and made me completely unrecognizable even to myself, but. you also showed me that the person i thought to be my best friend was actually empty inside. you showed me that even the most genuine seeming people can be dangerous. you taught me to never let someone have that kind of power over me again. i'm more motivated to exercise now, because i'll be damned if i ever see you again and can't take you on in a fight. you pushed my mental health to such an extreme limit that i'm now getting EMDR therapy and it really is helping. truth be told, i could've probably done all this character development without you traumatizing me, but here i am anyway. im gonna continue making the best of the mess you made, and one day i'll hardly remember you.

the anniversary of what you did to me is coming up. i hate how angry i still am. i hate how heavy my heart is with grief and hurt. it’s a lot better than it was before, and im getting better every day, but sometimes i think about you. i think about how you get to live the rest of your life as if nothing ever happened, most people never finding out what you did. i think about how many other people you’ll hurt throughout your life. i even think about killing you. it honestly sucks. the worst feeling is that i’ll always have this shrapnel of hatred in my heart for you. and i really want to let go of it. but im so scared that this indignation is the only thing keeping me safe, keeping people like you away. i hate not being able to trust everyone. it hurts to no longer give others the benefit of the doubt. i miss believing that people are truly good at heart.
i’m actively choosing to heal this wound you left me with. and it is healing. it’s just so fucking hard sometimes. the anger feels safe. but i will not allow fear or pain to dictate the way i feel anymore. neither you nor the trauma you inflicted can hold power over me anymore. i’m evicting you the fuck out of my psyche bitch

just curious, how many hail marys does it take to absolve someone of rape? do you know? have you confessed yet? i always wonder.

In another life