Unsent messages to A.R.D.

being with you feels like bonfires and piles of blankets. like picking wildflowers and stargazing. like getting lost in the shopping mall and ice cream on hot days. if feels like all the good things in life and I just can't get enough of it

it’s me again
I’m so happy for you but I just can’t help it was me instead of him. I hope, I mean I know, you’re happy but I wish I could make you feel that way.
I’ll be ok though

You mean so much to me. But you've hurt me so much too. Does it bother you how much you can hurt me if you try? Or is it easy to forget after we ”make up”...

I've been coming here every night for a bit just to read what I wrote to you the days before. I wish I could delete it. I'm so scared you'll find out. I hope you know that it's not like that, and i would never ever try to change the friendship we already have. I just had to let off some steam. I shouldn't have written those notes. I never wanted or want you to know because I know you'll never feel the same. If you found out I don't know what I'd do. Tell me if you see these though.

I love you
I don't know if it's platonic
But I do know that I wanted to kiss you that night, I would've kissed you, and I still want to kiss you.
But I think ill be okay if I don't. For now. Its only driving me a little but crazy.