Unsent Messages

if u somehow come across this, then you might as well read what i have to say. to me, you are my first love. the first person to break my heart, but the first person that made me realize how it felt to have feelings for someone. it’s been 3 years, almost 4 years since we first met. and you still haven’t left my mind. no matter who i take interest in or who i date, my thoughts constantly circle back to you. how you made me feel. and i realize now that no one has made me feel the way you did. i can never miss someone as much as i miss you. it’s not even that i want you back in my life romantically, but i just want you here. by my side when things are rough. because i know you’ll never judge me. you are the only person that makes me feel this way. i miss you. a lot. i miss our conversations, i miss our laughs, i miss the comfort your presence gave me. but i can only miss you, because everytime you come into my life again you leave. everytime. and i don’t know how to feel everytime you come back out of nowhere. and it’s always when i’ve forgotten you for a split second. you come back. and i don’t know what to do. i don’t understand why. what am i to you? what are we, to you? i never know how you feel. it’s always how i feel, but not about you. i’m getting exhausted of waiting for something that’s never going to happen. i want an explanation, or some kind of closure from you...but it seems like you’re never going to give it to me. because you’re with someone else. even if i end up with someone else, the questions i had for you will remain unanswered. i don’t know if you’re meant for me, but i want an answer. someday, somehow. i feel like we haven’t said our goodbyes yet. someday, we will. or someday, we won’t. but just know that, i miss you. i really do. and you didn’t ask but, the colours of this note is purple. purple is the last colour of the rainbow. to me, purple means that i will trust and love you for a long time. that’s how i feel about you. just thought you should know.