Unsent Messages

hi.
I miss you. even after everything you've done... I can't stop missing you.
I'll never forget our first kiss. I had felt so safe, so truly loved... but it didn't last long enough. all those moments that we had that night were ruined by the fight we had three days later. and then it was over, just like that. and then only a couple weeks later, you kissed another girl. and I was even more broken. and you made it seem like you didn't even care.

when I saw you a few weeks after that - for the first time since our breakup - you acted as if nothing ever happened, as if we were never together and never fought.

the second time I saw you since the breakup, I forced myself to talk to you, no matter how much it would hurt. and then we kissed again...
I thought we were going in the right direction, but you're making it look very much like you used me. but I don't want to believe that... you told me you loved me. you said I was the love of your life. and I love you... I can't get over you. I don't understand how you moved on so fast - or at least how you made it seem that way so well.
I'm seeing you again tomorrow, and I don't know how to feel. all I want to do is kiss you and get back together... but I'm afraid that you're just using me, I'm afraid to get hurt again. I love you. I always will. but I need you to be clearer about if you feel the same way... I'm losing myself again.

I had a dream last night. in the dream, I only had a few minutes left to live, and I was using them to try to say goodbye to everyone close to me, but no matter how much I tried - I couldn't seem to be satisfied with my goodbyes.
in the last moments I had left to live - I decided to try to phrase a goodbye to you, even though we haven't texted in months. time was ticking, and I ended up just writing "I love you". and it didn't feel like enough, but it was the best I could do. and I just hoped you would see it, and you would understand that it was my very last thought.

and though that was just a dream, it's sticking with me. and I think that says something... no matter what you've done, I still love you. and the thing I want more than anything is for you to know that.
I love you. and I miss you. and I'm in pain. so please... just come back to me. as the you that I know, as the you that considered me the love of your life, the one for you, yours.
because I am, and always will be... yours.
now and forever, I love you.