Unsent Messages

You aren’t going to see this. But I’m sorry I made it about myself. But the last thing I will say in regards to it is one time you pulled away I didn’t talk to you and it resulted in you saying promises were broken and your heart was broken. I thought giving you space at the time was right but definitely not. I wrote a letter expressing what was hurting and upsetting me in hopes that it could allow you to open up and say what was hurting you. It felt like you took it as me just saying you’re the worst person. Which in no way was my intention. I wanted to talk about things you were holding in. I wanted to acknowledge and learn what I was doing wrong. It did help see perspective and allow me to better understand a few things.Which is why when you started ignoring me I remembered our talk and didn’t worry because you said you can’t help when you pull away. The last time I gave you space resulted in a mess, so I just kept messaging as normal. I felt annoying but I wanted to reassure you I was here. It was hard since I would see you talk normally to everyone but again, I just felt it would be best to keep trying even though I felt the problem was most likely me. I messaged your friends because I saw your tweets under Hongjoong. I was scared and worried and I knew you wouldn’t answer me so I asked your friends to reach out. And you know you DID answer them. They all told me you did so I knew then and there it was because of me. I didn’t want to think it was but you made it clear. So when you say I made it about me this is why. If it wasn’t, I apologize here and now. I don’t know what defines a true friend but all I wanted was to just talk and work things out because again you were my best friend and I wish I knew how to express that properly. We’re both not mind readers so how could we know what we really felt or think? I will end this note with no, I didn’t send those messages but as you said it’s obvious which ones I did.