From: ABC
To: matt
Date: December 13, 2020, 6:59 am
i used to be confused when my friends would stay with their boyfriends after they hurt them. i understand now. i can’t leave. i can’t live without you. you shattered my heart, lied to me for months and made me feel like i should apologize to you because YOU ARE A CHEATER. but i still can’t leave. it hurts so bad. you make me hurt so badly. but loosing you would hurt so much more. all of it was lies. i was naïve to think you were talking the truth. stupid. gullible. you aren’t mine. you never will be, i see that now. you can’t be mine. but i’m yours. i wish i wasn't. i wish that i could hate you. i’m so confused why i don’t. i should hate you for what you did but i can’t. you did the worst thing i could possibly image and yet i still love you. you are the only person i want to be with. the only person i want to talk to. i should hate you. part of me does. but i can’t imagine my life without you in it. i want to scream at you, hurt you the way you hurt me and make you watch me cry and vomit and have a panic attack over you so you can see exactly what you did. but i could never do that. i tried, i tried to yell at you but when you showed remorse... i caved. so fast. i started apologizing to you. i told you that if you needed space that i understand. now time is passing by and you still haven’t spoken to me. i need you. i need answers. but I DONT WANT TO HURT YOU SO I SHUT MY MOUTH. AFTER ALL OF THIS IM STILL PROTECTING YOUR STUPID NO GOOD LYING FEELINGS BUT I CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU. all i want is for you to be happy. i don’t care what it costs me. i would give my life for your happiness. i hate you for what you did. but i hate myself so much more for letting it happen. i don’t get it. i don’t get why i’m like this. i don’t get how you did this. i don’t get how you lied for so long. i don’t know how you watched me cry to for about how much people have hurt me and promise that you wouldn’t do that to me just to... turn around and do it anyway. i wish i hated you. you don’t deserve me. but i deserve what you did to me.