Unsent Messages

I didnt just love you, I admired you. I admired the way you lit up every room you walked into, the way you were so noticeable, how you were funny and made everyone laugh, you were the glue of that class and i can admit it, i dont think youll ever realize the importance you made in my life. I respected your drive and determination, i thought you had an amazing work ethic, and deep down im sure you still do. See i didnt just love you in a romantic way, i considered you a friend, a friend i was so proud to have. I respected you, and i looked up to you, and sadly you let me down when you put wanting to use me before our friendship. see what breaks my heart the most is not the fact that you didnt love me back, but the fact that you didnt even consider me a friend, i wanted so bad to be a person in your life even after things went south, that is all i wanted. maybe thats my lesson, you shouldnt put people on pedastals because eventually they will fall and you will be let down with no one to blame but yourself. you lied and manipulated me, and it took me a while to realize it wasnt my fault. but back then when i realized i did love you and was in love with you i was excited because i thought you were worth it, you always told me you werent i hated that you couldnt see you how i saw you, and when you were sad or would tell me about the times you were hurt i wanted to take away all your pain i saw a light in you i had in me but sadly trying to find it is what broke me, your walls were so high that when i tried to climb them i fell and it feels like i cant get up who knows maybe you are worth it and in another life, or maybe one day we will be two people meeting again for the first time. Id like to believe that but until than I have to try and move on even though letting people in after you has been difficult and almost impossible, but I have to get on with my life, and try to be happy. You get to so why dont i? And dont ever think I am not happy for you, I wanted everything for you. I wanted you to go off and leave the small town we are from, I knew from the moment I met you you were too great of a mind to stay in that small town by the coast, and thats why even though it broke my heart watching you leave that day knowing there was nothing I could do to go back in time and just slow it down I was still happy and excited for you. I was excited to share you with the world, because I had spent so much time with you, getting to know you and seeing your talent, mind, and presence in action and now the world was going to get to see it. I wanted you to one day be able to go to Germany and see where one of your influences was from and the life he lived. I think I saw your potential earlier than you did and thats what set me up for disappointment. What I felt and honestly will probably always feel for you was powerful, i didnt know you could value someone so much. I loved being around you, you made everything fun. At one point you were my favorite person in the world, when i wasnt even a person in yours, its a blessing i got to feel something so powerful so young but a shame it had to hurt me so bad. I hate to admit that theres days where all i do is cry and miss you, and hopefully those will become less frequent, but I know i will always miss you, i am ashamed to say that hearing your name causes a pain in my chest when it used to give me butterflies. for what its worth i hope you really took it in when i told you i loved you because i dont think ill be saying that to anyone for a long time. even though you broke my heart i still dont think i could go back to a time where i didnt know you. Im beyond grateful for how you inspired me and how you taught me lessons id been trying to learn my whole life, thank you for inspiring me not only as a musician but as another human on this planet. Loving you has made me kinder and i cant thank you enough for that. I always tried to figure you out, and although i never did i think its awesome that i always had these questions about you it meant you were complex and worth spending time with. You made me think, and wonder about things other than myself. You helped me step out of my own little world for a while, and again thank you for that because it gets pretty lonely in there sometimes. Like it or not i will always remember the guy who wore the goofy hat and had the most contagious laugh id ever heard. and youll always have a girl out in the world who loved you more than she loved her self