Unsent Messages

hey so you know I like you, we've established that. and I know you don't like me back or at least you do but can't date me for some mysterious reason. I just like you so much and I don't even know why. actually yes I do, its cause your funny, lowkey smart (when you want to be), kinda cute, overall just really great. I don't know how many more times I can tell you that. how much my heart races every time I text you something risky or flirty but thankfully your reactions are the best. either 'aww' or something flirty back which I secretly love. But also, I don't think you know how much it hurts me whenever you make interactions with other girls. not all girls! just the ones that are better than me in so many ways like Cadey, Alyssa, Lola and even Paulina. I shouldn't feel like this and I defiantly can't control you but it just...hurts. We have these nice conversations at night but thats all I ever get. I feel constantly compared to Alyssa and i'm just not sure whats so special about her. i'm also annoyed at you, kind of, well your a boy and don't really get these things but your treating me kinda badly; getting along with me one minute then telling me to 'fuck off' the next, Its confusing and hurtful. also the flirting with other girls right in front of my face just to get some sort of reaction out of me? like dude no, that shit hurts. but what hurts even more is when it's my 'friends' and they do it back, claiming it's just 'jokes' but that doesn't matter, still sucks to see. I just end up laughing it off on the outside but crying on the inside or just looking away pretending that its not happening because ' I can't have a reaction ' but someone always notices and try to talk to me. no good though. now I know this isn't really healthy and I should focus on loosing feelings but I can't. i've never felt this attached to someone of the opposite gender. everyone calls me crazy for liking you (actually they call me lanky) but it doesn't phase me. honestly I hope I loose my v-card to you, I don't trust anyone else. well not anyone else yet. bit random I know but I might as well say it cause your never gonna read this and I will never admit this out loud. and now what I came here to truly admit to you and myself... I love you Jack and I wanna be yours.