Unsent Messages

So it's not that I'm in love with you its more like I wish I was as important as you are to me. Wish you seemed to care to text me back or send me pictures of you. But it's not like that. I mean I wish it was. I know you go through stuff at home and separate yourself from the people who truly love and care about you but it affects others, like me. Ive spent hours and hours thinking if you really care. You honestly confuse me so much, sometimes you tell me all this stuff and sometimes you act as if you don't know me. Yeah, maybe I should listen to my friends and drop you because you give me so many mixed signals but I'm dumb enough to sit here and wait for you to text me and ignore all these guys for you. I just wish I didn't care about you this much because I feel like I'm drowning myself in worrying about you. 'Did he eat" "Did he wake up for work" "Is he doing okay" " How is it going at home" There's not one day I don't think about you. It hurts me feeling like I'm nothing to you, well at least it feels like. I should honestly listen to friends but I can't. There's something in me that tells me to wait for you, I sometimes feel like giving up but I just can't. I wish I had the courage to really tell you how I feel but I just hate showing my vulnerable side to people. I wish i could call you right and tell you everything that goes through my head about us. But I've always gone through the place where people come at me for being sincere with them. I'm scared. I'm so afraid of getting hurt but I feel that you wouldn't do such a thing but I'm just afraid. You call me "beautiful" and I love it because no one has and you make me feel a certain way like maybe there are some good guys out there. But then there those days like right now where you just won't text me. I know there's stuff going on at home but I begin to overthink, is he texting other girls, is he on ft with other girls, am I just one of those girls that he's playing with. I don't want to think such a thing but there's always that behind my head, I truly want to trust him but I'm scared. I'm scared because of all the mixed signals he gives me. I know he scared to show his vulnerable side as well but all my intentions are always for the good. I really really want to meet him as well. The thing he is that even if we don't end up having a thing, it doesn't even matter, I just want to have a super good relationship with him. Like right now, he's home and still hasn't texted me back and that's what sucks and I hate it. Like I just want things to be easy and clear. One thing about me is I hate looking stupid. Like I sometimes want to double text him but he didn't text me back for a reason yk. I don't want to feel as if I am bothering him. I truly don't know what to do.I'm confused and it frustrates me a lot. Like I just want to care for him and love him because I know he has gone through a lot. But he just sometimes doesn't let people help me at all. I don't know how to help him if he doesn't let others help. Like I want him to feel cared for and I want to be that person for him because he hasn't had that in a while. I hate the thought of never ever speaking to him ever again. I care about him a lot and I don't think he deserves all the pain he has on him right now. He so young still and has his whole future ahead of him to look at.