Unsent Messages

do you know how hard it is to hate you? i hate your personality, I hate the things you did to me, hate your fake apologies, your lies, the way you've indoctrinated your friends into hating me. i hate everything about you, you even give me the ick. so why do I still care about you? why do I still check every day if your in? why do I think about you, when I eat, when Im in the car, when I'm about to sleep. its so draining to care about you but i cant stop. i want you to be safe, i need you to be okay. i think no matter how much i hate you, its better than feeling numb, id rather than be heartbroken than admit your a stranger, because then what was it all for? i don't want to let you go, even if i hate the person you've become, i don't want to let go of the only person whos ever made me feel, feel something real. when i said i loved you unconditionally and would be there no matter what, i meant it. i guess you didn't.