Unsent Messages

Sometimes I think to myself "wow, I could've had that and I let it run from me" and now I lay in my bed at night thinking of all the things we could've done together. We planned ideas, we planned fights with each other, we argued about who was cuter. I thought "life couldn't get any better than this". you saved me from dying. You got me out of my dark space and now, I'm deeper than I have ever been before. I never thought I could be this sad, and now, wow. I asked if you had lost interest and you had the audacity to say "tbh yea." not even a full sentence then proceeded to tell me about the girl you left me for. I wanted to kill myself that night. But I was with my best friend. And I knew I had to keep my family happy. Im failing in school, I can't focus on life, I'm gaining weight like I never have before. The one good thing that came out of this is me working my ass off to make high school volleyball. And I did. Volleyball is y escape from the shit, piss, and vomit you put me through.