Unsent Messages

hi t, it’s still me. i don’t love you anymore, but sometimes i cry thinking about how poorly the universe treated us. i loved you with abandon. every time i saw you i felt flowers growing in my lungs, i felt stars in my veins, i felt like i could walk on the clouds just by looking at you. you were my person and i’m so, so, so sorry we lost each other. you were the perfect one. and i was the perfect one for you, too. i miss you so much. i loved you, i loved you, i loved you. i did, t, i truly did. oh to feel this loved and empty. i miss you everyday. i still see you standing in front of me and dancing and laughing and smiling at me and i still see your hair and your stupid sweaters and your dumb coat and i hate it so much that i can’t think about anything else in this world because you’ve fucked me up so bad you’re the only thing i will ever be able to love and i’m so scared of it. i miss you so much it hurts. i wish you would come back and take my hand and tell me we will do everything we could have but never did but you never will. because you’re not here and i’m just a little girl whose head is too fucked up to be with you and i know i’d just ruin you and sometimes i talk too much but i need you to be here right now. i need you just like i needed you two years ago and i can’t let you go and i can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re gone. i don’t know what to do without you. please help me. hold me, love me. i miss you so much. just remember anytime anywhere you are loved and you are such a lovely arrangement of atoms and i’ll always love you deep deep in my heart. you will always be here even if you aren’t and it’s okay if you never loved me, i just want you to be happy now and forever and if that means that i have to suffer for you to be happy then that’s fine. i just want you to be good. i know in another universe we are together and we love each other so much o so much. i will always love you, t, all my thoughts are for you and you are all my loving forever. i miss you so so so so much i just wish we could go back to those days when we were together. but we can’t. it’s okay. it’s okay. this too shall pass. it’s okay. i love you forever t, i love you so much, i love you now and tomorrow and any day of my life. you’re in my veins and you have the sweetest soul i’ve ever seen. don’t ever think you’re not worth something. love you forever, even if you were the right person at the wrong time. until we meet again, be safe. i’ll wait for you for a million years.