i honestly didn't mean to hurt you. i liked you on and off for two years. before and after you dated savi, while ainsley liked you and while claire liked you. i never thought i would have a chance with you so i kept our relationship strictly a friendship. i knew claire liked you. i knew i should've stopped talking to you when you started giving me hints. but i couldn't help but fall for you. what was i supposed to do when the person i had liked for two years showed interest in me? i talked to you without telling claire. she's my best friend. i knew what i was doing was wrong, but i did it anyway. i was falling for you and very quickly. i told you i liked you. you felt the same way. we facetimed everyday. then i realized what i was doing. i couldn't do that to claire. even though she could never know how much you really meant to me, i couldn't. i told you we couldn't be together. this broke my heart. you were what i needed. what i wanted. but it didn't matter. my best friend over a boy any day. i honestly think you were my first love, but i wouldn't know, i don't know what love is. i still think about you everyday. how different would my life be if i chose you over claire? better or worse? i hope i made the right decision. because i'll never know. if you ever see this, know how much you mean to me.