Unsent Messages

I wish I could break up with you. I wish I had the strength to leave you. You treated me like shit for years, 3 long exhausting years. You toyed with my feelings and lead me on knowing you didn't even want me. I let you, I allowed you to, I should’ve let go when I found out you got back w your girlfriend. But you lead me on, you never let me go. You hurt me, you broke my heart, I have had other boyfriends prior but you were my first. My first love. Then two years later we finally get together, not even dating just talking. And a year in, you kiss someone else you knew for a week, and for what? You thought I was cheating.. I would never, I love you way too much to ever. You knew her for a week and caught feelings, but it took you two entire years to admit you had feelings for me. Thats what hurt, you took a year to ask me out and still had a relationship with this girl. When I found out you made it seem like she was crazy, like you weren't leading her on. I really don't know what to do. I'm still with you but I don't know how to leave. The thoughts of you cheating again haunt me late at night. I'm just too attached and afraid to let you go. You tell me you love me, but how do I know you're telling the truth? I question myself everyday. I hate you and the way you made me feel. But I love you. I'm on ft with you right now crying as I am writing this and I'm tired of this conversation. I'm embarrassed. Idek how to the end this. Just ugh. Bye.