From: ABC
To: marcel
Date: January 9, 2021, 8:21 am
i wonder, why are you the person my thoughts drift towards, why even with tears rolling down my face, i think of you. why, even though i know we cannot be together, why. i so dearly wish we could. you don’t miss me but i miss you. you don’t love me but i love you. i don’t think you know how much i need you, but you will never need me like that. i’ll get over it, over you; one day. i will but until then, i guess i just have to miss you. i have to long for someone who doesn’t long for me, how cruel. maybe by the end of it all, i’ll never forgive you for the pain you cause me, i hope that is the case. i hope the pain i feel leads me to hate you like i wish i have been able to for so many months. i hope that one day i will realize how so very irreplaceable i was to you and that i hate you for it. i hope that day is soon. i hate so very many things but so far you are not yet one of them. i hope i can add you to that list one day. i hope one day i realize that i deserve someone that doesn’t find me quite so irreplaceable. but i have yet to get there. i have yet to deserve anything better. i have yet to start hating you even when you subtly nudge me forgetting that in doing so it just reminded me of when you truly pushed me into that door. for that i should hate you but i don’t. maybe one day all i will be able to remember is the anger i felt from you that day, but today i remember the love of before. i wish i didn’t. i wish i didn’t love you. TR
