Unsent Messages

ever since the breakup, a few changes have happened. my new classes are way easier than the one's i had last sem, that means no more stress crying over any homework, which, if you remember, i used to do a lot. when we were still together, i remember bringing up how my basketball season was supposed to start this winter. unfortunately, they cancelled the season again because of corona which really sucks. i also had a spiritual awakening not too long ago, which before you call me insane for, has actually helped me with this whole separation process. life at home has been going pretty well until the last few days. i've become quite dependent on weed as a way to help me cope, which you can assume my parents aren't supportive with. though they're not mad, i cant help but feel as if i let them down. i've been having a lot of breakdowns and i guess depressive episodes without it and though i know its best to quit now, but i don't think i can see that happening. i haven't opened up to much friends about this, you're one of the first. i just think they'd find it difficult to understand why i cant stop, because frankly i dont know either. my mom has just been upset and my dad had to take a stress leave from work. i feel really shitty, as if i can't do anything other than let them down. they want me to go to therapy again, but i'm not really willing to do that. they've been more understanding with my mental health. they've been really patient with me and i just want to make them proud. i didn't mean to make this a whole vent, it's just so easy to talk to you, which after months of not speaking, you'd assume differently. i gained a little confidence during winter break, the tiniest amount perhaps. talking to other people still doesn't feel right so i avoid doing that but that's really been all. things haven't been great, but they haven't been horrible and i guess that's pretty much all.