Unsent Messages

i wanted to write this somewhere just to get it out of my system but i wrote it a while ago, anyways.
i can't remember the last time the thought of you made my skin crawl, and for that i am so thankful. it took so long to move on and forget what you smelled like, and what your eyes looked like when they looked at me. but i did it. i even fell in love again and finally letting go of the little things about you made it so much easier to be in love. but sometimes there are times that the things he says or does that bring back the emotions i had when i was with you, the ones that would keep me up at night, the ones that made me cry. what you and i had was even less than a relationship. it was never anything sustainable or anything we could have picked up and started again. in reality it was nothing, i doubt that it was even love on your end but the feelings that i had, those were real. they were every bit as cruel and beautiful as you were during the time that we had together. in some ways i am grateful towards you. you showed me what love shouldn't be like, and brought me to my senses about how i should love myself. at the end of it all you helped me grow into someone that i can say i'm proud to be, and i finally found someone who loves me and is proud to be with me.