Unsent Messages

it’s silly to dwell over the past but i wish we could’ve taken the time to genuinely get to know each other as people before trying to let something else grow between us. i dont know if it would’ve made any difference in the way this came to an end but is it really so bad to just think about it?

if i let you know me, i wouldn’t have avoided speaking about having a personality disorder when i got diagnosed because i wouldn’t have been dreading your reaction. i vaguely mentioned it hoping you’d ask me about it but you never did and i never thought much of it, i assumed it would never become that much of an issue but that was a foolish way of thinking. maybe if i just had the courage to talk you about it before, you would’ve spared me some empathy or you would’ve decided to leave before it got bad.

if you let me know you, i wouldn’t have spent so much time wondering if i was only an option to you, someone you could leave for however long you wanted and never have to worry about me doing the same because i would always be there waiting for you. you tried to end it so many times but you always came back and confused me even more. i could never tell if you really saw yourself with me or if i was just an easy distraction.

we will be ghosts in each other’s life but i will forever hold onto the fact that you were the first person i was not scared of and the first person i genuinely loved. i will always miss you and i hope you’ll be happy wherever you end up.