Unsent Messages

So I guess I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I’m telling you everything that bothers me. He’s an addict; been to rehab 4 times. He drove while high with me and my mom in the car, it bothers me that he didn’t stop to think what if we crashed. I can put into words what I’m feeling. I feel jealous that she gets to see you and they get to see you when I don’t. I feel jealous that I don’t know everything going on in your life. I feel jealous that you tell her all the things you won’t tell me even tho she tells other people and you know she’s toxic. I miss you, a lot. I want to hug you and tell you that everything is going to be alright. Then again I want them to talk about me, I want them to say how much they hate me for wanting you. I guess I’ll never get over it. I’ll never get over the fact that I was your second choice that you had to try with them before coming to me. Every time you text me I feel like I’m doing something wrong that maybe your crying because I did something or they told u I did something. Did I ever tell you that he followed me? Yeah. He followed me and down stairs in school at 5pm. We would walk around school alone laughing, almost kissing but never actually, it was fun, I was free. One time we were in the gym building together, and I go to put a basketball away that we had gotten form a closet, he followed me, he pinned me against the closet wall and and nothing happened. Nothing happened. I don’t understand what your so afraid of, do u think that by being vulnerable I will make fun of u? Or maybe break your heart? I don’t know, but whatever it is, it’s not good enough.