Unsent Messages

sophia,
i don’t know who you are anymore. i miss the person i fell in love with. i miss the person who i’d stay on the phone with every night. i miss the late night texts and i miss when you loved me. i miss being loved. i don’t know who you are. the nights we spent together, even though you were so far away i loved you so much. i had hope in seeing you and you promised me we’d meet. you promised me. you promised me that you loved me and cared. you lied so much to me, it makes me wonder when you started to change, when you became that different person. when did you stop loving me? how long did you pretend to love me before you left me? i found out that you cheated last night. i was so angry and i yelled at you but it was so conceal how hurt and betrayed i felt. i’ve never felt such an intense pain in my whole entire life. it felt like you ripped my heart out of my chest. i promise with everything i loved you. i hate myself for it but i still do. i love you. i don’t know why. you treated me like absolute shit. the pain i feel right now is unexplainable. i keep thinking about what i’d say to the old you about this. the one who loved me and cared. that’s the person i wish you were. i wish you were the same. the thing that hurt the most, though, was how you posted that you wanted to fall in love. we were still together at that time, but you decided to post it somewhere i couldn’t see. you said you wanted to fall in love with someone and flirt with them. why was i not good enough for you? why wasn’t i good enough? i gave you all the love i could possibly have given. i stayed up for hours writing you messages in hopes of explaining how much i loved you, getting a one sentence reply. i loved you with every fiber of my being. and it wasn’t enough for you. you’re so selfish to want to fall in love when i’d do fucking anything for you and have. i miss the old you. i miss them so much. and i’m never gonna fucking get them back. i don’t think i’ll ever find someone like you. honestly. i needed you. i’ve never been in love before you. i thought you were in love with me. and of course i wasn’t good enough. i was abandoned, again. but you knew i was afraid of that. you knew. but you still did it.