Unsent Messages

today would’ve marked a year. do you know i still think about you after all this time? i don’t want you back, but i think about you quite a bit and i’m thankful for how you changed me. i just wish you didn’t have to break me to do it. i wonder what you think of when you think of me. what you remember about us. and i’m sure i didn’t mean as much to you as you meant to me, but i’d still like to know how you are. what you’ve accomplished this year. what you’ve accomplished without me. if i held you back at all in those short few months we were together. i know a little bit about your life, the little bit that you’ve told me, but sometimes i wish i knew more. in case you’re wondering, i’m doing well. a lot has changed since you left. i wonder if you’d even recognize who i am now. i’m not the girl you knew a year ago. i’m a little more guarded, but i think it’s a good thing. i think before i knew you i was so willing to get my heart broken if it meant i got to be loved for even just a little bit. but i realized it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. love. at least when it’s with the wrong person and not reciprocated. especially when you think it’s reciprocated and then the truth comes crashing down on you like a bomb and you realize it’s too late to take anything back. but would i take it back? no, i don’t think so. i chose to give you my heart, figuring you’d probably throw it around and break it like the guy before you. i was hopeful that you wouldn’t, but i can’t say i was surprised when you did. but i forgive you. i can’t blame you for not being ready. i can only blame you for lying when you said you were, and for telling me to trust you. but i’m the one who didn’t guard my heart. i didn’t realize how valuable and fragile it is. and i’m not blaming myself, but i hope you know that when you broke me, i didn’t stay that way. i picked myself up and glued myself back together. i’m better now. it took an entire year for me to realize i don’t need you, and that i’m actually better off without you. some days it still kinda sucks. some days i miss you and wonder how different things would be if i just continued to let you do things your way. but at the end of the day i’m proud of the way i handled things. so anyway, happy one year vincent. i genuinely hope you’re doing well. nothing but love.