Unsent Messages

recently i have been thinking of you quite a bit. i wonder if you ever think of me too? i doubt it. before lockdown you asked me if we could hold hands ‘premaritally’ which overwhelmed me with gay panic and fear so i said something like: “no way I’m not a whore”. im so so stupid. not to sound like an idiot but I’ve kinda been hoping you’d ask again sometime. i know you have a boyfriend so of course i would never say any of this to you or even hint at the idea. i respect you and shall not be selfish. but, if you ever wanted, i hope you know i would love to hold your hand (premaritally) even if it did make me a whore. if you ever end up reading this please dont bring it up. i will cry. ive made it blaringly obvious in an attempt to reject my cowardice and also writin just makes me feel better. but god this post will haunt me, i know it. my hands are a lil shaky but imma press submit now.