Unsent Messages

I said that I forgave you when you apologized, but in truth I don’t. Your apology came two years too late. You only apologized to relieve yourself of guilt, not because you truly were sorry. You still have no idea what you took from me. My self esteem, my confidence, my happiness were all destroyed. It took years to build myself back up. Even after your ‘apology’ you continued to cross boundaries and play with my emotions. Sorry doesn’t make up for the long nights I cried in my room until I fell asleep, or the emotional spiral of wondering what I said or did wrong this time for you to ignore my texts for weeks. I asked myself everyday why I wasn’t good enough, why you didn’t love me and why were you so indecisive about being together or not. Six months you went back and forth about wanting to be together and through it all I stayed because I thought I loved you. And when you called it off for good it took less than six weeks for you to get a girlfriend. It took me a long time to realize that none of this was my fault, it was yours because you were too much of a coward to be alone so instead you used me to fill the emotional and sexual void until something ‘better’ came along. For that, I can and will never forgive you.