Unsent Messages

i love you more than words could ever tell, but i couldn’t ever tell you how much i don’t want to be here. i love you, your family, my family i love you all, but i’m really really struggling now. i know i’ve said this for months, but when i say it, i mean i’m sick of the constant struggle i face every single day. i don’t get anything good in return for my pains, i’m living the same cycle day in day out. i never brought myself to tell you, but i attempted in lockdown. today is a good day so i’m thankful it didn’t work, other days i wouldn’t be so sure. i don’t trust myself when i’m sad, and i hope i don’t bother you when i cry about the same stuff. i just know that if i was alone, i couldn’t trust myself. there’s been times where i’ve gone through episodes and tried to do things i couldn’t even bring myself to tell you, but i always call you because you are my safe space.