Unsent Messages

im sorry for lying to you. you dont know that I lied though. I couldn't & can't ever bring myself to confess how I truly felt. I started talking to you because I felt bad, I didnt like how you were treated, no one should be having to go through that. I thought it would be nice if I could be your friend. we became closer, to the point where you fell in love with me. you asked how should you confess to someone, & I personally gave you my opinion; a handwritten love letter would personally make me happy, & I think anyone would be happy to receive that as well, its a sweet gesture. the next day, I received a letter, I knew it was from you, but I didnt wanna admit it was because then if it wasn't, it would be embarrassing, so I waited until I came home to read it, & it did indeed turn out to be a love letter from you. my first mistake was writing back to you, saying that, yes I liked you too. im wrong for that. I shouldn't have ever said that, I shouldn't have lied to you & myself. over those coming weeks, I tried convincing myself that I do like you, & while it was a literal lie im telling everyone including myself, I still carried on with it. when you asked if we were in a relationship, I answered that no not really, because "I didn't really like putting labels into this sort of thing, & I also think im not ready" I think my statement still stands. I was never ready because I never liked you that way, & maybe the reason behind "labels" was just an excuse to say that I secretly didn't wanna be in a relationship. & the night you asked if you were to say "I love you" would it be okay? I answered that it's fine but don't expect me to say it back because I liked to use it wisely. & to that point, I realized I was lying to you & myself & that I needed to stop. but I kept digging a deeper hole for myself, it went on for a few more months until I finally reached an escape hole to tell you the truth. you asked if I started to lose feelings, & you asked this because I started talking to someone else (which bothers me when people ask this question), "are you losing feelings for me?" I answered honestly but its also a lie since I never like you, I answered "to be completely honest, yes, & it's not your fault." this whole fib that I had going on is my fault & I wish I just never returned to your letter. I guess I said I liked you back because I wanted to know how it felt like to be loved. I didnt like it. & its solely because I didnt like you back, of course I didnt like the way it was feeling. im sorry jack for lying to you, & im sorry for lying still, you have no idea to this day that I never liked you.