Unsent Messages

I still think it's so unfair how we ended. You said you didn't want to drag it out but I felt like we'd barely scratched the surface of where we could've gone. If it was one sided you should've accepted that from the first place- why did you ever ask me out? That's the part that makes me mad at you. I understand you were new to this kind of thing but I got forced to go along for the ride with you. I'm torn because the relationship made me who I am today and I am so grateful for our happy memories together, but so much pain could've been avoided if just one of us had gone home in a separate car that night we ended up actually talking for the first time. Even the happy memories hurt at this point, because they're tainted by what became of them. The first party, when we talked in the garage for hours while everyone thought we were hooking up. I've never been able to talk to someone I barely knew so easily. The second party; I was so happy, surrounded by my best friends with you by my side. The night we went to the field for the first time- again, we talked for hours and I never wanted to go home. I ended up back home at 12:30 and my parents didn't believe me when I said I'd been lying in a cold damp field for hours getting bitten by mosquitoes because why on earth would anyone do that. But for you it was worth it. The time we had dinner with my dad and my sisters I felt so much warmth and joy because they liked you so much, and the conversation was funny and flowed so well. That was the first time I've actually enjoyed family dinner in awhile.
It doesn't matter now, it's just annoying that I have to see you every day. I can't wait for next year when I'll finally be able to start to forget you exist.

Goodbye. Thank you. I'll miss you.