Unsent Messages

i hate you. because i never want to feel what you put me through ever again. i dont know if im crying over you almost a year later because i miss you or im mad at you or if im mad at myself. i cant say i wish i never met you because you taught me the things i want and dont want in a person. i dont believe in promises anymore because of you. im in a new relationship now but he deserves more than im giving him. i gave you raw unconditional love that i cant seem to bring myself to get to that point with him because im scared and i hate you for that. i just dont think im made to love and im so mad at myself for letting you, out of anyone, to manipulate me the way you did. you gave me everything i ever wanted and im glad we ended things though because it got too toxic for the both of us. if you didnt end it i dont think i wouldve had the courage to end it myself. i was holding onto every little piece i could and towards the end of our relationship i forced myself to believe that you would still be the same person you were when we met. false hope. that's the saying. i gave myself false hope for believing that we would go back to the same doe eyed lovers we were when we first met. but it wasn't like that anymore, we looked at each other with sadness and understanding that we needed it to end, and that we didn't know how we got to the point but it happened. i wish we never did though, but it did and i don't wish for you back into my life. im mad at you because you saw how things were for me and you still never gave me the time of day.