Unsent Messages

You made me feel so much in so little time. I didn’t think I would like you at first, you seemed like you would be one of those stuck up boys that ruins girls, but then we spent every night talking for hours at a time, and having sleepless nights over the phone. You opened up to me and made me feel safe in a way no boy ever has. The worst part was knowing I was terrible for you. You have such great aspirations in life and will go so far, you told me about your sister and how her actions affected you, and the substance issues that run in your family, and your fear of substances for that exact reason, and how to this day you haven’t had a sip of alcohol. You showed me your insecurities, and made me laugh. I talked to someone effortlessly for what felt like the first time in years. But I am everything that could ruin you, unstable, insecure, an addict, passionless, and until I met you emotionless. I thought people like you didn’t exist. You made me want to work out so you could carry me effortlessly, do my work so that I wouldn’t get kicked out of school and we could share our rides to school every morning. I researched jobs so that I could plan a future where I wouldn’t just be the failure, I sobered up because with you I felt intoxicated. With you I craved the feeling that I’ve been repulsed by since the day I was taken advantage of. The thrill of talking to you brought me raw emotion, a form of pure happiness that before I met you I could only dream of feeling. You quickly became my favorite person. Your emotions directly affected mine, I felt it in my heart when you were sad, and when you were happy I could reach the moon. For that I’m sorry. I refuse to open you to the damage I bring, the disorders I cannot treat, the fears I cannot face, and the life I cannot bring. I am an exact replica of the person who damaged you the most when you were so little. I noticed the hesitation in your voice when you mentioned her, and I felt your pain when you told me what your so called friends had to say. I would only be a sequel. Still you’ve changed me, I might sober up, might start doing my work, might start working out, and might start fixing myself, because you showed me that life isn’t a straight line. Its a rollercoaster of hormones and emotions that control you and move your body and bring forth words with deeper meanings that can only be understood between souls, and though we aren't soulmates, you may be my twin flame. Thank you.