Unsent Messages

you were my first real relationship. my first real heartbreak. and it ended in such a shitty way too. personally, i think it was cheating. but you can think what you'd like. you affected me a lot. i put my complete trust in you, and now ill never fully trust anyone ever again. which is probably a good thing. i dont even know why i was so in love with you. i think it was because i had never felt love like that before. i never thought anyone would ever be interested in me. but you were. and it was cool while it lasted. everytime i see you with him it hurts a little. but now i use that hurt as motivation to improve on myself. so thanks, cuz i would have not had as much self growth as ive had if it werent for you. you changed me as a person a lot, and although what happened fucked me up, i dont regret it. im actually glad it happened. it taught me a lot about myself. i still cant say your name though. or even think about it. i dont like thinking about you, but sometimes it happens. do you ever think about me? i doubt it. i feel like the second you ended things i completely evaporated from your brain. i dont think i meant anything to you. and i would do anything to know what you think about all of it. if you regret anything. if you feel bad. if you even think about it at all. in the end, i wouldnt change anything about what happened. yea it killed me, but the growth that came from it makes it all worth it. i just want you to know i dont hate you. i dont like you, but i dont hate you. im grateful for the experience. so. yea. i hope you're doing good.