Unsent Messages

Youre not going to see this. I just don’t believe you come on here anymore.I haven’t written since that final goodbye I wrote here. But I saw it... I don’t know what in me told me to search that name up but I did... I thought all this time I was the only one suffering. I couldn’t imagine you still cried about what happened. I knew you were hurting but I didn’t know you hurt so much and so often throughout the friendship. I wish you’d have told me. Not just that you were hurting but what it was that hurt. You know I told you to tell me whenever that happens. Instead of distancing yourself. Maybe it was scary to do, but I would’ve tried to do better. I cant say you didn’t hurt me throughout either. I always felt like I did or said something wrong.. I felt like I wasn’t enough, or couldn’t live up to that best friend image you had of me. I tried to open up but it just ended up hurting you. There are many things I look back on and regret and wish I had done differently. But there are also things I feel weren’t okay on your end either. We never set boundaries for eachother. We were so caught up with how easy and unreal our bond was that we created so much expectations and ideas of one another instead of just accepting each others differences and who we are as people. We’re not perfect, we both have flaws. I’ve learned a lot about myself and about how I approach relationships. So thank you for such lessons. I don’t know what the point of writing this is.. I just.. no one would understand. I was hurt so much, I’m still hurt and yet I miss you so much still. How could I still care about someone who essentially broke me like no one has before? I felt so empty, so hopeless. I couldn’t eat.. I couldn’t talk to people. I just felt like I lost a part of me. You say I have better. I hate when you say that. Why did you always talk down on yourself? I loved you so much. You were everything to me. I tried to reassure you as best as I could. I’m sorry. My heart hurts writing this because as foolish as it may seem to everyone, I wish I could talk to you again. Even if it was for a moment, pretending like we were best friends again.